Friday, 23 March 2012

Oh Behave!


I've had soooo many post ideas lately as different things happen throughout the days but unfortunately I've just not had the time to sit down in the evenings to write about them! Well I thought it's time to just get started on some of these topics so I've decided on this one! Enjoy.


Akhlaaq = good manners, behavious, morals, character.....

I want to touch on the importance of moral development for both children and adults alike. In times where good manners are hard to find, I feel that it something that is so often overlooked and that it's importance is highly underestimated. It's almost like good manners and speech are something from the past and how people were 'in the olden days'. These days people speak so harshly and roughly with each other that it's hard to tell whether the 2 individuals are fighting or having a conversation. Swear words are used to refer to each other in jest. Words like 'shut up' , 'stupid idiot', 'get lost' & 'loser' are part of most families daily vocabulary when communicating with each other. Children snatch, tease, hit, mock and display all sorts of cheeky behaviours at younger and younger ages. Whilst most would feel that this is 'normal' I ask does it HAVE to be this way? SHOULD it be this way? Surely Islam teaches the very opposite!

A few weeks ago in a class we read the hadith:

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Nothing will be heavier on the Day of Resurrection in the Scale of the believer than good manners. Allah hates one who utters foul or coarse language.”
[Sunan At-Tirmidhi]

Often we read a hadith but don't really take it in but as our class read and discussed this one I started to really feel and realise the enormity of the message in it. There is NOTHING HEAVIER on the scales on the Day of Judgement than GOOD MANNERS. That means it's heavier than our other good deeds right? Yet how much emphasis do we put on doing acts of worship and other good deeds whilst neglecingt the importance of our manners and behaviours? This was a heavy reminder Subhanallah. To hear the Allah SWT HATES the one who utter foul language really makes you worry doesn't it? If we use foul or course language Allah, our Beloved Creator HATES us! Authu billah!

Deep Breath!

The weekend following this class, I attended a lecture that was about 'Character' and the speaker shared some profound messages that I felt were definitely meant for me. The hadith we had learnt earlier that week and the timing of this lecture meant it was time for me to do some serious work on my akhlaaq (character). I reminded myself, what use is learning and knowledge if we are not implementing it, benefitting from it and sharing it with others? Too often we learn about the importance of good character and manners and then simply shrug it off as if we 'have more important things to worry about improving'. I myself have been guilty of this too.

One of the many amazing lessons I took from the lecture was about how we should try to emulate some of the attributes of Almighty Allah in our character and through that we will better understand Allah SWT. For examply if we want to know Allah's Mercy, then we should try to be merciful, to understand His Generosity, we should try to be generous etc. It made so much sense.

So I am now on a mission to improve my character, and to become a better person (with the help of Allah). Part of developing oneself involves reflecting on ones behaviour and mannerisms and this is something I try to do quite often. There are traits within myself that I do not like (I am sure Allah SWT does not like them either) and only I can take the responsibility of changing them. Part of the beginning of my journey towards self betterment came from seeing the effect of parent's characters on their children. Some of you may or may not have children yet but I'm telling you now, if you want to know what behaviour adults are displaying behind closed doors, then look to their children. Unfortunately more often than not children display the characteristics and mannerism of their primary care-takers and what they see modelled in their homes. For me, seeing MY negative traits or habits in MY own children was and is a constant reminder on the importance of improving my character and behaviour. Children are mirrors of their parents and sometimes what you will see in you 'mirror-child' can be quite ugly!

Some of us might be hard-headed or stubborn to change for our own sake, but children can be a great motivator in making that effort to work on something that needs improvement. If not for ourselves, then why not for them (and of course ultimately for Allah SWT)? Let's do it for our precious, (and somewhat) innocent little children!

Maybe you need to be more polite, gentle or loving, or perhaps you raise your voice a lot or maybe you swear or use put-downs with others. Whatever the weakness or fault, you obviously don't like and don't WANT to be that way. It's just a habit you've fallen into or perhaps grown up with yourself (again fingers pointed at parents!). No matter how bad it is or how many bad habits or manners you have, your life and relationships can only get better through making the effort to change. You will only become a BETTER person Inshallah.

It's an ugly world out there, and one of the most beautiful things we can put out there are our good manners, and an upcoming generation with even better manners than us.

May Allah allow that and more. Ameen

The Prophet Muhammad (s) said: “Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it. Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished.
Imam Bukhari’s Book of Muslim Manners.


  1. Jazakaalah for sharing this with us Calisha.

  2. Aselamu Aleykum Sister,
    May Allah be pleased with you.
    A true and meaningful lecture.

  3. Inspiring with a few jokes here and there. Love it.
    Great job Calisha...